If the number of times I wrote this title at the top of a notebook were equal to the number of pounds I'd lost, I'd have far surpassed my weight loss goal, but I'm not even close.
I've been overweight for as long as I can remember now and although it was actually about 2 years ago that I finally decided that I really wanted to do something about it, I'm still the same weight.
The frustrating part is that when I started, I lost a stone through healthy eating and 40 minutes of exercise 5 days a week. I looked fantastic, I felt fantastic, I even took a course in diet and nutrition (which I've almost completed) because I wanted to educate and help others just like me, but it wasn't long before I fell into bad habits again and gained a few pounds back here and there until I inevitably weighed exactly the same as I did in the start. How could I possibly educate people about a healthy lifestyle if I weren't practicing what I learned?
Even after gaining weight again, I would have periods of time where I would go back to eating healthily and exercising, even lose a few pounds again, but I always had an excuse to stray. It's my birthday, I've had a stressful day, I'm on my period, I'm starting on Monday (ironic that I'm actually writing this on a Monday). All of these excuses have led me to ruin everything I've achieved, even despite the fact that i'm educated and almost qualified to educate others on weight loss and leading a healthier lifestyle. All of these excuses have led me to today, and to this post.
This morning, as I locked myself in the bathroom of the Air BnB in Burgas, Bulgaria my husband and I are currently staying in I broke down. I've had no sleep because last night heat rash started to cover my body. It burned, it itched, and it was ugly as hell. Looking at myself naked in the full length mirror I just couldn't take it anymore.
It may seem odd that I've let a rash get to me, but I thought to myself, "If I weren't overweight, would I have this problem? Even if I did, would it be as bad? Would I sweat between the many rolls of skin on my body if I weren't overweight? Would my legs, feet and ankles swell just from walking on a hot day?" and finally "I can't be overweight next summer. I can't handle it." So here I am deciding to share my weight loss journey. I feel that sharing both makes me accountable and may help others that feel exactly the same way.
It's not only for the sake of not having heat rash and swollen feet in the summer that I want to lose weight. I'm sick of bad, spotty skin, I'm sick of getting breathless just from climbing up the stairs and I'm sick of failing. I'm 26, in a few years my husband and I may decide to start a family and I neither want weight problems to complicate that or to pass on my bad habits.
My mum is also my inspiration. She's living with cancer and although it's treatable, it can't be cured. I know more than anything in the world my mum wants me to be healthy and happy and while she's still well enough, I want her to be able to see that I am. I don't want her to worry when she already has so much to deal with and I want to be strong and healthy both physically and mentally should the time come when she really needs me to be. There's every chance my mum is going to read this, so mum, I'm going to do this for both of us.
I debated whether it was a good idea to write this post or not. It's very personal, which isn't always my thing (I want to change this) and a little depressing but I needed to share this. If I can't write about my ups and downs on my own blog where can I?
I've gotten a lot off of my chest, I've cleared my head, I know exactly why I want this and how to achieve it and I am ready. It will never be easy, and I'll update on both my good weeks and bad weeks because that's the reality of a weight loss journey, but I'm determined more than ever to change and live a healthier, happier life.
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